yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
