I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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