somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize