I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
