it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
