mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
