I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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