id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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