That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My cat gives me a boner
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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