You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
