the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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