A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
