The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
