I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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