Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
