I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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