I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
