Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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