so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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