this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
