i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it's great music for shaving your balls
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
