OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
