If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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