wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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