Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize