There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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