I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
