all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
