Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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