Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
