Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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