We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
