so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
