she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
