Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
