I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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