Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
