I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
