It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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