He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
