I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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