I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
