the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
