dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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