And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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