FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
