..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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