I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
