Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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