meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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