Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
