We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
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So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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