my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
