I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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