Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
