spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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