so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
