This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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