Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
