Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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