Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
