i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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