the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
