It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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