Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
