Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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