I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
