absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
