if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
