Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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