He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
