I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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