dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
