If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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