in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My pussy is not your playground.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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