so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
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If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote