You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"