your thong is hanging out like whoa
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.