1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.