How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.