i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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