I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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