omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought