I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do