I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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