"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
