remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I want her autograph on my taint
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
