That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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